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  7. <title type="text">diaTribe</title>
  8. <subtitle type="text">The diaTribe blog is our occasional take on life, the universe and everything. Observations on current affairs, the environment, politics, humour and music/gig reviews. Travel diary and extreme sports stories, along with the usual rants/raves are also chucked in for good measure.</subtitle>
  10. <updated>2018-08-26T09:40:03Z</updated>
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  16. <entry>
  17. <author>
  18. <name>Phil</name>
  19. <uri></uri>
  20. </author>
  21. <title type="html"><![CDATA[Obituary for Common Sense]]></title>
  22. <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="" />
  23. <id></id>
  24. <updated>2018-08-22T11:02:26Z</updated>
  25. <published>2018-08-22T11:02:26Z</published>
  26. <category scheme="" term="Rants &#039;n&#039; Raves" /><category scheme="" term="What&#039;s Up" /><category scheme="" term="common sense" /><category scheme="" term="humour" /><category scheme="" term="irony" /><category scheme="" term="parody" /><category scheme="" term="rant" /> <summary type="html"><![CDATA[On obituary for Common Sense - Originally published in the London Times <p><a href="">... more <span class="meta-nav">&#187;</span></a></p>]]></summary>
  27. <content type="html" xml:base=""><![CDATA[<p>An Obituary printed in the London Times..</p>
  28. <p>Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years.</p>
  29. <p>No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:</p>
  30. <ul>
  31. <li>Knowing when to come in out of the rain;</li>
  32. <li>Why the early bird gets the worm;</li>
  33. <li>Life isn&#8217;t always fair;</li>
  34. <li>And maybe it was my fault.</li>
  35. </ul>
  36. <p>Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don&#8217;t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).</p>
  37. <p>His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.</p>
  38. <p>Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.</p>
  39. <p>Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.</p>
  40. <p>Common Sense took a beating when you couldn&#8217;t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.</p>
  41. <p>Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.</p>
  42. <p>Common Sense was preceded in death,</p>
  43. <ul>
  44. <li>by his parents, Truth and Trust,</li>
  45. <li>by his wife, Discretion,</li>
  46. <li>by his daughter, Responsibility,</li>
  47. <li>and by his son, Reason.</li>
  48. </ul>
  49. <p>He is survived by his 5 stepbrothers;</p>
  50. <ul>
  51. <li>I Know My Rights</li>
  52. <li>I Want It Now</li>
  53. <li>Someone Else Is To Blame</li>
  54. <li>I&#8217;m A Victim</li>
  55. <li>Pay me for Doing Nothing</li>
  56. </ul>
  57. <div class="stumble"><a href=";title=Obituary for Common Sense" title="Submit to StumbleUpon"></a></div><a href="">Go to Post ... &raquo;</a>]]></content>
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  61. </entry>
  62. <entry>
  63. <author>
  64. <name>Phil</name>
  65. <uri></uri>
  66. </author>
  67. <title type="html"><![CDATA[Bad day]]></title>
  68. <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="" />
  69. <id></id>
  70. <updated>2018-08-26T09:40:03Z</updated>
  71. <published>2018-08-18T07:19:01Z</published>
  72. <category scheme="" term="Struggle &amp; Toil" /><category scheme="" term="bad day" /><category scheme="" term="ode" /><category scheme="" term="orchard" /><category scheme="" term="poem" /> <summary type="html"><![CDATA[An ode to a bad day on the orchard <p><a href="">... more <span class="meta-nav">&#187;</span></a></p>]]></summary>
  73. <content type="html" xml:base=""><![CDATA[<div class="alignright"><a href=""></a></div>
  74. <p>An ode&#8230;</p>
  75. <p>It&#8217;s fucking dawn,I fucking start<br />
  76. No time to eat or fucking fart<br />
  77. it&#8217;s sure as hell no fucking art<br />
  78. on fucking orchards</p>
  79. <p>Fucking stakes and fucking posts<br />
  80. fucking wires and fucking ropes<br />
  81. I must be just a fucking dope<br />
  82. to work on orchards</p>
  83. <p>Fucking clips and fucking ties<br />
  84. fucking pine tar in my eyes<br />
  85. it makes me want to cry<br />
  86. on fucking orchards</p>
  87. <p>Fucking mowing, fucking spraying<br />
  88. and fertilizer laying<br />
  89. fucking weather&#8217;s got me praying<br />
  90. on fucking orchards</p>
  91. <p>Fucking rules and fucking regs<br />
  92. made up by fucking dregs<br />
  93. do in my fucking head<br />
  94. on fucking orchards</p>
  95. <p>Fucking tractors breaking down<br />
  96. fucking tanks leaks nearly drown<br />
  97. and shit the water&#8217;s BROWN!<br />
  98. on fucking orchards</p>
  99. <p>Another day is fucking done<br />
  100. and down has gone the fucking sun<br />
  101. it ain&#8217;t a lot of fucking fun<br />
  102. on fucking orchards</p>
  103. <div class="stumble"><a href=";title=Bad day" title="Submit to StumbleUpon"></a></div><a href="">Go to Post ... &raquo;</a>]]></content>
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  107. </entry>
  108. <entry>
  109. <author>
  110. <name>Phil</name>
  111. <uri></uri>
  112. </author>
  113. <title type="html"><![CDATA[It&#8217;s aLIVE!]]></title>
  114. <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="" />
  115. <id></id>
  116. <updated>2018-04-18T11:43:13Z</updated>
  117. <published>2017-05-07T13:20:12Z</published>
  118. <category scheme="" term="Lyre &amp; Pipe" /><category scheme="" term="club" /><category scheme="" term="gentleman bastards" /><category scheme="" term="live music" /><category scheme="" term="lovelands" /><category scheme="" term="music" /><category scheme="" term="rock" /><category scheme="" term="video" /><category scheme="" term="youtube" /> <summary type="html"><![CDATA[Excellent night at Lovelands in Wellington <p><a href="">... more <span class="meta-nav">&#187;</span></a></p>]]></summary>
  119. <content type="html" xml:base=""><![CDATA[<p>Awesome Gig at <a title="Lovelands Music Club (Porirua)" href="" target="_blank">Lovelands</a> this weekend.</p>
  120. <p>Magic! </p>
  121. <p><iframe src="" frameborder="0" width="580" height="300"></iframe></p>
  122. <div class="stumble"><a href=";title=It&#8217;s aLIVE!" title="Submit to StumbleUpon"></a></div><a href="">Go to Post ... &raquo;</a>]]></content>
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  126. </entry>
  127. <entry>
  128. <author>
  129. <name>Phil</name>
  130. <uri></uri>
  131. </author>
  132. <title type="html"><![CDATA[Fidel Castro: Iconic Revolutionary; Island Tyrant]]></title>
  133. <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="" />
  134. <id></id>
  135. <updated>2018-04-23T10:42:10Z</updated>
  136. <published>2016-11-25T10:31:00Z</published>
  137. <category scheme="" term="What&#039;s Up" /><category scheme="" term="batista" /><category scheme="" term="bay of pigs" /><category scheme="" term="cold war" /><category scheme="" term="communist" /><category scheme="" term="controversy" /><category scheme="" term="cuba" /><category scheme="" term="fidel catsro" /><category scheme="" term="history" /><category scheme="" term="iconic" /><category scheme="" term="Kennedy" /><category scheme="" term="missle crisis" /><category scheme="" term="regime" /><category scheme="" term="revolution" /> <summary type="html"><![CDATA[The death of Fidel Castro closes the last chapter of the Cold War as one of the most controversial, yet iconic world figures passes into history. <p><a href="">... more <span class="meta-nav">&#187;</span></a></p>]]></summary>
  138. <content type="html" xml:base=""><![CDATA[<div class="alignright"><a title="Fidel Castro . Photo: Antonio Milena/ABr, via Wikimedia Commons" href=""></a></div>
  139. <p>Today, the man who had held on to power longer than any other living national leader except Queen Elizabeth II, passed into the West&#8230; </p>
  140. <p>Whatever your political views about the man many referred to as: &#8220;the beard&#8221;, there is no denying that Fidel Castro was an iconic character and a central figure in the greatest dramas of the <a href="" title="Wikipedia: Cold War (opens in new window/tab)" target="_blank">Cold War</a>.<br />
  141. <a href="">More ... &raquo;</a>]]></content>
  142. <link rel="replies" type="text/html" href="" thr:count="0"/>
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  145. </entry>
  146. <entry>
  147. <author>
  148. <name>Phil</name>
  149. <uri></uri>
  150. </author>
  151. <title type="html"><![CDATA[Facts of Life]]></title>
  152. <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="" />
  153. <id></id>
  154. <updated>2016-11-27T10:19:09Z</updated>
  155. <published>2016-10-03T10:15:53Z</published>
  156. <category scheme="" term="What&#039;s Up" /><category scheme="" term="comedy" /><category scheme="" term="facts" /><category scheme="" term="food for thought" /><category scheme="" term="funny" /><category scheme="" term="humour" /><category scheme="" term="irony" /><category scheme="" term="life" /><category scheme="" term="observation" /><category scheme="" term="quotes" /> <summary type="html"><![CDATA[A short collection of funny one-liner facts of life.  <p><a href="">... more <span class="meta-nav">&#187;</span></a></p>]]></summary>
  157. <content type="html" xml:base=""><![CDATA[<div class="alignright"><a title="Laughing Owl (March 2009). Photo: By Cephas, via Free-Images" href=""></a></div>
  158. <p>A few words of wisdom&#8230;</p>
  159. <ul>
  160. <li>&#8220;If people could read my mind, I&#8217;d get punched in the face a lot&#8221;</li>
  161. <li>&#8220;The fact that there is a HIGHWAY to hell and a STAIRWAY to heaven, says a lot about anticipated traffic volumes&#8221;</li>
  162. <li>&#8220;My people skills are fine.  It&#8217;s just my tolerance to idiots that needs work&#8221;</li>
  163. <li>&#8220;I&#8217;m only responsible for what I SAY; not for what you UNDERSTAND&#8221;</li>
  164. <li>&#8220;So&#8230;when is this &#8216;old enough to know better&#8217; supposed to kick in?&#8221;</li>
  165. <li>&#8220;Have you ever listened to someone and thought: who ties your shoelaces for you?&#8221;</li>
  166. <li>&#8220;Be careful when you follow the masses&#8230;sometimes the &#8216;M&#8217; is silent&#8221;</li>
  167. <li>Don&#8217;t confuse my PERSONALITY with my ATTITUDE&#8230;<br />
  168. my personality is WHO I am<br />
  169. my attitude depends on who YOU are&#8221;</li>
  170. <li>&#8220;I NEVER argue.  I just explain why I am right&#8221;</li>
  171. <li>&#8220;I speak my mind, because it hurts to bit my tongue all the time&#8221;</li>
  172. <li>&#8220;Sometimes I sit quietly and wonder why I&#8217;m not in a lunatic asylum.<br />
  173. Then I take a look around and realize&#8230;maybe I already AM&#8221;</li>
  174. </ul>
  175. <div class="stumble"><a href=";title=Facts of Life" title="Submit to StumbleUpon"></a></div><a href="">Go to Post ... &raquo;</a>]]></content>
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  179. </entry>
  180. <entry>
  181. <author>
  182. <name>Phil</name>
  183. <uri></uri>
  184. </author>
  185. <title type="html"><![CDATA[Rave: Prison and Pensioner Reform]]></title>
  186. <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="" />
  187. <id></id>
  188. <updated>2016-11-27T10:18:41Z</updated>
  189. <published>2016-09-23T21:58:02Z</published>
  190. <category scheme="" term="Rants &#039;n&#039; Raves" /><category scheme="" term="guard" /><category scheme="" term="humour" /><category scheme="" term="nursing" /><category scheme="" term="pension" /><category scheme="" term="pensioner" /><category scheme="" term="politics" /><category scheme="" term="prison" /><category scheme="" term="prisoner" /><category scheme="" term="sarcasm" /><category scheme="" term="satire" /><category scheme="" term="uk" /> <summary type="html"><![CDATA[A reform plan for pensioners and prisoners which we can ALL get behind.  <p><a href="">... more <span class="meta-nav">&#187;</span></a></p>]]></summary>
  191. <content type="html" xml:base=""><![CDATA[<p>Don&#8217;t know who originally did this, but I LOVE it!</p>
  192. <blockquote><p>Let&#8217;s put the pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home.</p>
  193. <p>This way our pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies and walks. They&#8217;d receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc and they&#8217;d <em>receive</em> money instead of paying it out.</p>
  194. <p>They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance. Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.</p>
  195. <p>A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and snacks to their cell. They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose. They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counselor, pool and education.</p>
  196. <p>There would be private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens. Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ&#8217;s and legal aid would be free, on request and each pensioner could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls.</p>
  197. <p>There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.</p>
  198. <p>And as an added bonus&#8230;</p>
  199. <p>Convicted criminals would get cold food, be locked up alone and unsupervised. Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week. They would live in a tiny room and <em>pay</em> £600.00 per week and have no hope of ever getting out.</p></blockquote>
  200. <div class="stumble"><a href=";title=Rave: Prison and Pensioner Reform" title="Submit to StumbleUpon"></a></div><a href="">Go to Post ... &raquo;</a>]]></content>
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  204. </entry>
  205. <entry>
  206. <author>
  207. <name>Phil</name>
  208. <uri></uri>
  209. </author>
  210. <title type="html"><![CDATA[Post-Brexit open letter to the British PM]]></title>
  211. <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="" />
  212. <id></id>
  213. <updated>2016-11-23T21:00:34Z</updated>
  214. <published>2016-07-30T21:34:03Z</published>
  215. <category scheme="" term="What&#039;s Up" /><category scheme="" term="Brexit" /><category scheme="" term="economy" /><category scheme="" term="humour" /><category scheme="" term="Letter" /><category scheme="" term="MP" /><category scheme="" term="plan" /><category scheme="" term="politics" /><category scheme="" term="tax" /><category scheme="" term="uk" /> <summary type="html"><![CDATA[As Teresa May continues with the economic cleanup following  the post-Brexit fallout., we thought we'd make a few suggestions to help her on her way...  <p><a href="">... more <span class="meta-nav">&#187;</span></a></p>]]></summary>
  216. <content type="html" xml:base=""><![CDATA[<div class="alignright"></div>
  217. <p>Dear Ms. May,</p>
  218. <p>Please find below our suggestion for fixing the UK &#8216;s economy.</p>
  219. <p>Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan. You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:</p>
  220. <p>There are about 10 million people over 50 in the work force. Pay them £1 million each severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:</p>
  221. <ol>
  222. <li>They <em>MUST</em> retire. Ten million job openings &#8211; <strong>unemployment fixed</strong></li>
  223. <li>They <em>MUST</em> buy a new British car. Ten million cars ordered &#8211; <strong>Car Industry fixed</strong>.</li>
  224. <li>They <em>MUST</em> either buy a house or pay off their mortgage &#8211; <strong>Housing Crisis fixed</strong></li>
  225. <li>They <em>MUST</em> send their kids to school/college/university &#8211; <strong>Crime rate fixed</strong></li>
  226. <li>They <em>MUST</em> buy £100 WORTH of alcohol/tobacco a week (there&#8217;s your money back in duty/tax etc)</li>
  227. </ol>
  228. <p>&#8230;It can&#8217;t get any easier than that!</p>
  229. <p>P.S. If more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances!</p>
  230. <div class="stumble"><a href=";title=Post-Brexit open letter to the British PM" title="Submit to StumbleUpon"></a></div><a href="">Go to Post ... &raquo;</a>]]></content>
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  234. </entry>
  235. <entry>
  236. <author>
  237. <name>Phil</name>
  238. <uri></uri>
  239. </author>
  240. <title type="html"><![CDATA[Parting Glass]]></title>
  241. <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="" />
  242. <id></id>
  243. <updated>2016-09-30T11:19:44Z</updated>
  244. <published>2015-01-29T11:16:38Z</published>
  245. <category scheme="" term="Lyre &amp; Pipe" /><category scheme="" term="irish" /><category scheme="" term="Melody" /><category scheme="" term="music" /><category scheme="" term="Parting Glass" /><category scheme="" term="Sean Davey" /><category scheme="" term="sing" /> <summary type="html"><![CDATA[A great rendition of an age-old Irish Tune <p><a href="">... more <span class="meta-nav">&#187;</span></a></p>]]></summary>
  246. <content type="html" xml:base=""><![CDATA[<p>This is what I want played at my funeral&#8230;</p>
  247. <p><iframe width="560" height="315" src="" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></p>
  248. <div class="stumble"><a href=";title=Parting Glass" title="Submit to StumbleUpon"></a></div><a href="">Go to Post ... &raquo;</a>]]></content>
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  252. </entry>
  253. </feed>

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